Mixed Emotions

Over the last two weeks I have had some mixed emotions, this journey is hard!

First my weight loss, this morning my scale showed a 1.6 lb weight loss for the week. Really??? 1.6 lbs that’s it I only eat 700 – 850 calories a day and I only lose 1.6 lbs!!! Although I was frustrated with the weekly weight loss I am happy with my overall progress, my weight is 219.5 lbs which means I get to say goodbye to the 220’s FOREVER!

I have also been a little frustrated with where I am losing the weight. I know that I always lose weight from my chest up first and from my stomach, hips & ass last but that doesn’t stop me from being irritated every time I put on my jeans and they don’t fall off. I have noticed my jeans are getting just a tiny bit looser in the legs but seriously the places I want to lose it the most just don’t seem to get any smaller.

Lastly food make me feel a little sad sometimes, strange especially when it almost always had the opposite effect. When put my meal on my plate (small salad plate) I often feel like it’s not enough food to fill me up but when I finish eating I almost always have to throw a bite or 2 of food away. It is hard to have to either share everything with someone or throw half of something away because you simply can’t eat it. Sometimes when I am throwing away those last few bites I couldn’t eat I feel a little sad and I have no good explanation, this is the purpose of the surgery after all.

Sometimes I just don’t feel like myself and I can’t always figure out why. Maybe it’s because someday’s food just doesn’t feel good in my new tummy, maybe it’s because sometimes nothing tastes very good or maybe it’s just a hormonal change.

Even with all of the ups and downs of this journey I have no regrets and most days I feel great and I can not wait to see where my weight ends up each and every week.

1 Month

It has been a whole month since surgery and I can’t believe how fast the time has gone.

I am down a total of 30.3 lbs since starting my liquid diet and although I don’t see a huge change yet I have noticed some changes. Pants that were a little tight are now a little loose, shirts are fitting looser and best of all I feel great!

I saw my surgeon today for my 1 month check up and he said everything is healing well and I am have no activity restrictions at this point and very few food restrictions. I still have to stay away from breads and pasta’s but everything else I will be able to eat but still in very small portions. I will not see my surgeon again until September and he said once I have lost 100 lbs we would talk about skin removal surgery, the thought of skin removal surgery absolutely terrifies me so I am not sure I will ever do it.

I keep bringing too much lunch to work because I am still adjusting to the new portions. Today I brought 3 oz of turkey with 1/2 a carrot and 20 goldfish crackers. I ate only 2 oz of the turkey and I didn’t eat any of the crackers.

I have a few things I need to keep working on like getting in all my water, some days I get it all in and some days I don’t. I also need to increase my protein, I am usually at least 10 g less than my goal which is 64 – 75 g a day. The protein will help burn fat instead of muscle and it will also help with the dreaded hair loss that usually happens between 3 & 6 months.

Over the next week my plan is to start some light exercising and increase my daily protein. Hopefully I will see another 3 lbs or so disappear over the week as well.

I have updated both my progress page and my before & after pics page if you want to check them out!

Week 4

Today is the start of week 4 which also means the start of solid food and I can not wait to start eating regular meals with my family again. Today I have stuck with my soft foods for most of the day but for my afternoon snack I am going to have a cheese stick and if this goes well then for dinner the plan is chicken meatloaf and peas.

So far my experience has been really positive, I still have not had any problem with food getting stuck or making me sick. Having said that I did have my first case of the “foamies” this morning. If you are wondering what I mean by foamies it is when you eat too much and something gets stuck or there is no room for it to go down then you stomach starts producing extra saliva to try and get whatever it is down and the extra saliva produced needs to be spit out because if you swallow it you just get more.

I got the foamies because I forgot to take my prenatal vitamin just before I ate (they need to be taken with food), so I ate my breakfast of 1 egg and 1/4 cup ground chicken then I remembered I need to take my vitamin so I went and took the vitamin. Obviously I was already full from breakfast and there was no room for the vitamin because within a few seconds I had pain in my upper back and I felt like I would be sick, then the foamies started. I never got sick but the foamies and the pain lasted about 30 – 40 minutes before it went away. This is a mistake I will not be repeating anytime soon!

I thought this week would be harder for me to adjust since I went back to work and I am used to eating while I drive to work and now that is not an option. It turns out that it actually hasn’t been that hard, I just have to make sure lunch is ready the night before, make sure I get up as soon as my alarm goes off and I have to use my time efficiently.

My weight has slowed over the last week and half which is hard to take but I know that this is common and eventually the weight will come off. I have lost 27 lbs since starting my liquid diet January 19th so I can’t be unhappy about that. This week was only 1.8 lbs which was a little bit disappointing but I am not going to let it get me down. The scale is moving in the right direction and I have not been under 230 lbs in years so weighing in at 225.8 lbs this morning for me is a victory.

I am now eating between 600 & 700 calories a day and I am getting closer to meeting my protein goal of 64g – 75g everyday. Now that I am starting solids it is time to really make sure everything I eat is healthy and try and reach that protein goal everyday. I think this is where the hard work will really start, I have to make sure I use my sleeve as the tool it is meant to be by really changing my lifestyle. Healthy eating and regular exercise (once my Dr. approves) will have to be something that I follow for the rest of my life if I want this to work.

Let the hard work begin, I am ready!!!

Week 3

Yesterday was the start of week 3 and the start of my soft food diet. I am now allowed to have cottage cheese, scrambled eggs, & chunky soups. This is the second day that I have been eating soft foods and so far it has gone well, everything I have tried has gone down well and has stayed down without any discomfort.

Next Thursday I will be starting solid foods, I will still need to take it easy and I will only be introducing one food at a time to make sure I am able to tolerate it but I look forward to starting to eat normal foods again.

On an average day I am getting in around 450 – 550 calories and 1.5 L of water. I am working on increasing both of these and it is getting easier but eating and drinking since surgery is like having a part time job. Now that I am off of full fluids I can not eat or drink within 30 minutes of each other.

Here is a quick glance at the first half of my day.

1/2 cup of skim milk

30 minutes later breakfast (3/4 of a scrambled egg or 1/2 pkg of high protein oatmeal)

30 minutes later start drinking water until 30 minutes before I am going to have a snack

1/2 cup yogurt or cottage cheese for snack

30 minutes later more water until 30 minutes before lunch

1/2 cup of chunky soup or mashed potatoes.

I am very thankful for the timer on my phone and I am wondering how I am going to make this work when I go back to work on Monday. I am sure I will get into a rhythm and before long I will have a routine.

As far as my healing goes I seem to be healing up pretty well, I still have steri strips on 3 of the 5 incisions which I am sure will fall off this week sometime. I am feeling a little low on energy and so I have been trying to get in all of my vitamins and medications. So far I have been able to get in my 2 prescriptions (antacid & thryoid meds) and my prenatal vitamin which I cut into 4. Monday I am going to add in my vitamin D and if that goes well for a couple of days I will add in my calcium.

As for weight loss I have lost 2.4 lbs this week which makes it 12.1 lbs since surgery. I was hoping for a bigger loss for this week but I have also talked to many people who have had this surgery that hit a stall around week 3 and not lost anything for a few weeks. Apparently it is just the body needing to catch up to the many changes that it has gone through. I am not counting on losing anything now for another week or so. Hopefully my stall wont last too long and I will start to see my weight drop.

 

Week 1

For my week 1 update I will tell you how things progressed each day.

Surgery Day – Day 1

I got up and took a shower, weighed myself, took my measurements, got dressed and headed to the hospital.

Once at the hospital I was admitted and after a bit of a waiting period was given a temporary room. My nurse tried to start an IV unsuccessfully and had to get another nurse to put the IV in. I am not an easy person to get an IV into, my skin is tough and my veins are deep so the IV is always a dreaded part of any surgery I have had.

It is finally time to get wheeled to the operating room so with a much needed kiss from my husband and with my nerves mostly under control the porter wheeled me away.

Once in the operating room I see my surgeon, he asks me some basic questions and next thing I known the anaesthesiologist says I am going to put some medicine in your IV to put you to sleep and what seemed like seconds later I was waking up in the recovery room.

Upon awakening the first thing I felt was nausea and just a little soreness, the nurse gave me some medication to help with the nausea and once I was feeling better took me to my room. I was in a lot of pain the remainder of the day but not from my incisions or even my stomach that had been cut but in my back from gas pain.

I tried to hold out on pain meds but eventually told the nurse I needed something and I was given morphine and I was able to have that every 4 hours, it lasted about 2.5 hours!!!

I did get up and went to the bathroom and tried to get in some short walks since I was told that was the best way to get rid of the gas pain.

 

Day 2

Still lots of back pain and my mouth is very dry. I have not been allowed to have even a sip of water since the night before surgery and I am not allowed to have anything until I have a fluoroscopy and the surgeon gets the results and clears me.

The fluoroscopy was scheduled for 9:00 AM so I was put in a wheelchair and a porter took me down to where the test would be. I was nervous for this test because I know I have to swallow a contrast that is going to taste awful and I have not swallowed anything since surgery and I thought maybe it would hurt.

It did not hurt but it was awful. During the test you have to stand against a table which has a small platform to stand on and a small handle to hang onto, as you are standing you take a mouth full of contrast and wait to be told to swallow, as the dye works its way into your stomach they take pictures. Now you take mouth full #2 and again wait until you are told to swallow it and they take more pictures, now for the awful part they turn the table so you are laying down and take a few more pictures. As soon as I was half way to being laying down I could feel that contrast working its way back up. Thankfully I got turned to standing right away again and I was done.

The test showed my stomach did not have any leaks and the surgeon came in to tell me everything looked really good and I should lose lots of weight and could start on my full fluid diet. Finally just a sip of water!!!

Day 3 

Same back pain, I am frustrated at this point because I knew I was to expect gas pain but I didn’t think it would be in my back and it is hard to sleep.

My surgeon comes to see me again and asks if I am ready to go home, I am kind of thinking about it when my hubby looks at him and says no I don’t want her to push herself. That was the end of my input into the decision right away the surgeon says okay stay one more night and I will see you in the morning.

Day 4

My back is still hurting but I have taken myself off the morphine and I am now just taking liquid children’s tylenol. I am feeling slightly better and when the surgeon comes back to see me at 1:00 PM he gives me the okay to go home. I finally get my IV out and sign my dishcharge papers around 4:00 PM.

Day 5 – 7

It is all downhill after I get home, I get to shower again which makes me feel so much better and I change my clothes and rest on the couch. Everyday is a little better than the last.

I am on my full fluid diet and currently I am getting about 1/4 cup of food (soup, applesauce, yougurt) at a time. I am eating every couple of hours but I don’t feel hungry, I also can’t really tell yet when I am full. I do however know when I have taken I bite too many because I get a small pain in my chest, but this doesn’t last long.

So Far I have lost 10 lbs since surgery and I can’t believe it, I thought I would lose that maybe for the month but not in one week. I am so ready to see how my life will change and despite the days of pain the surgery was so worth it!

It’s Almost Time!!!

The big day is almost here!

Tomorrow I will be headed to the South Health Hospital for my gastric sleeve surgery and I couldn’t be more excited. I am anxious to be done with the surgery, heal up and be on my way to a healthier & happier me.

Today is day 16 of my liquid diet and I can’t wait to be allowed to have even just a yogurt or some apple sauce after surgery (although I probably will not feel like eating). Day 1 & 2 of the liquid diet were very difficult and I really struggled to get through without cheating. Day 3-13 were actually not too bad, I had moments where I really wanted to eat but not because I was hungry it was more missing the chewing of food. The last few days have been harder and so I have been trying to keep myself busy so I don’t think about food so much.

I must admit I had a couple very small cheats, I ate a spoonful of macaroni & cheese, 2 french fries, and 1 nacho chip off my husbands plate. Overall I don’t think I did too bad and the bonus is that as of this morning I have lost 13 lbs.

I have spent the week preparing for tomorrow’s surgery. I made and froze some cream soups in half cup portions, a muffin tin works perfect and holds almost exactly half a cup. I bought some groceries off of my dietitian’s list of recommended foods, I bought High protein instant oatmeal, skim milk, yogurt (no fruit & low fat), unsweetened apple sauce, and low fat puddings.  I have packed my surgery bag with the exception of a few things that I will pack in the morning.

Tomorrow morning I will take some comparative photo’s, do my measurements and take my final surgery start weight. All of these things will be posted either tomorrow morning if I have time or once I get home from the hospital and I am feeling up to it. I am hoping to be home Saturday at the latest.

There is no turning back now 😯

A Crazy Month!

A number of things have happened this month, the first being my surgery date was moved up and second I had emergency eye surgery for a detached retina.

January 9th I went to the hospital because of a change in my vision which I knew from my optometrist as well as a friend who has had a detached retina was very serious and would require emergency surgery. When I realized what was happening my first thought was that it would cause my sleeve surgery to be cancelled and I was more terrified of that than of having eye surgery. It turns out they use only a local aesthetic so it would not affect my sleeve surgery and I was so relieved. Once I was admitted to the hospital I had to wait until the operating room was available which turned out to be the next morning.

January 10th I underwent my eye surgery and was discharged from the hospital later that day. After a few long days I started to feel a lot better, there was hardly any pain and my vision was pretty good. Now it was time to prepare for my liquid diet and my upcoming sleeve surgery.

As for my sleeve surgery as I said above it was moved up, surgery was changed from February 12th to February 4th which also meant my liquid diet would now start on January 12th.

I did some shopping and got some of the things recommended by my dietitian for my liquid diet. I purchased protein powder, chicken and beef broth, and tons of ensure high protein.

January 12th I started my liquid diet and the first few days were incredibly hard, I just wanted to eat something even just a piece of fruit but I stuck to the diet. Today is day 9 of the liquid diet and it’s hard but not as hard as I thought it would be, I have lost 10lbs so far so that helps to keep me going. 1 week left!!!

I have spent this week preparing for surgery. Monday I went to the hospital to complete my pre-admission where I had an ECG and talked to the anaesthesiologist. I have completed my shopping that I needed to do in order to prepare for surgery. I purchased some low fat cream soups, a vitamin organizer, and all of the required vitamins.

After surgery I will be at risk for vitamin deficiency so it is very important to follow the instructions from the clinic on which vitamins to take and how often to take them. I will need to take a prenatal vitamin, vitamin D and calcium citrate which will have to be taken several times through out the day since your body can only absorb so much calcium at a time.

Next week I will do final surgery preparations. I will need to pack my surgery bag, I will make my soups and freeze them in 1/2 cup portions, and make sure I have some appropriate foods to come home to. I will be on a full fluid diet until February 18th. Full fluids will be anything that does not have chunks in it, things like greek yogurt, unsweetened applesauce, jello, and cream soups. February 19th I will start soft foods such as cottage cheese, mashed potatoes, and scrambled eggs. I will be on soft foods for a week and then I will be allowed to slowly start adding regular foods back to my diet, I will have to add them back one at time and in small amounts.

I feel like I am prepared for this surgery and I am feeling less scared of this since having the emergency eye surgery. I am looking forward to when my eye is no longer swollen and the sleeve surgery is done and all the incisions are healed, basically I am looking forward to feeling healthy again.

Next week I will update with my total weight loss over the liquid diet.

 

 

 

Finally More Progress!

If you have been following my blog then you may recall that last month I signed consent for gastric sleeve surgery with Dr. Mitchell and that he gave me a vague time frame and told me I could check with his receptionist in 2 weeks.

I waited my 2 weeks and called Dr. Mitchell’s office and politely asked if she could give me any information on when I might hear about a date, I explained that I need time to plan for work purposes and she told me she understood and would help me out but she needed a couple of weeks to go through the schedule.

Ok, I am annoyed that I have no further information but I will give her a couple of weeks. 2 weeks later I am wondering should I call back or should I just try and be patient and wait? Anyone who knows me would tell you I don’t have a lot of patience, and so I called her back and asked about a date again. I was still very nice until she got an attitude with me and told me that she had no idea and that I was looking at the earliest March but more likely August for surgery….WTF!!! I am not hiding my anger and frustration from her at this point and I tell her that the time frame she is giving doesn’t work for me, she doesn’t really care and says that’s just the way it is.

Now I am angry, I have been reading on my Facebook groups of people having surgery dates in 8 months after starting the program and by the time I have surgery it will be almost 2 years. I very quickly decide I am switching surgeons to one of the other 4 who have a 2-3 month wait list instead of 6-9 months. I call the nurse from the weight program and asked to be switched, she tells me she has to get permission from the head of the program and will get back to me the next day or the following week.

I go to bed and hardly sleep, I am feeling so many things. I am sad, angry, frustrated and most of all just tired of feeling like I am getting the run around all the time.

8:00 AM the next morning I get a call from Dr. Mitchell’s office and it’s his receptionist, she says I have a date to offer you. I am in complete shock, I was not expecting this at all. She gives me some details and gives me a date of February 12th. I am asked to keep it off of the Facebook support group for Calgary as she says she has put me ahead of others due to my work schedule, I agree of course.

So now Christmas has come and gone and the New Year is just around the corner, I am so excited to be able to say that in 4 and half weeks I will be starting my liquid diet and in 6 and a half weeks I having surgery.

I hope that the next few weeks go by fast, I can’t wait to start being a better version of myself!

 

Surgery Consent

 

Yesterday I signed my consent with Dr. Mitchell for gastric sleeve surgery. I had been counting down the weeks until I had this appointment and I thought I will go in to the office, sign the paperwork and they will either give me a surgery date or they will give me at least a really good idea of when surgery will be. WRONG! I went into the office, signed the consent and was told surgery will be sometime between January and June, seriously? 

Is there any possible way to give me a bigger time frame? Could they not have at least given me a one or two month time frame?

Last night I was so disappointed and frustrated with this process I went to bed thinking about dates and wondering if maybe I will get lucky and it will be sooner rather than later and this morning I woke up at 4 AM thinking about it.

Okay so after a high fat Starbucks latte and breakfast sandwich this morning I was driving to work and I thought to myself this is okay, it sucks but it’s okay! I need to refocus and stay positive or else I will be right back to my highest weight and that just can’t happen. So here are a few positives that I received at yesterdays appointment, first I don’t have to do the gastroscopy that many have to do and is apparently very unpleasant and two I only have to do 2 weeks of pre-op diet.

The pre-op diet: 

• can be anywhere from 2-4 weeks
• 5 high protein ensures a day
• 4 cups of liquids 5 calories or less (coffee, broth, etc.)
• water (As much as I want, I think)
• NO FOOD

Going forward I have made a plan to increase my activity, I am going to start a 4 week beginner challenge on Monday and Tuesday I am going to start a program I found on pinterest that is supposed to help me go from walking on my treadmill to running.

Until next post, I will stay positive and continue trying to lose as much weight as possible before surgery.

Where Did I Go????

So this will be my first post in a long time, so what happened? Where did I go? Why did I stop posting? 

I stopped posting because I had given up on my program and ultimately on myself. I gained weight and was too embarrassed each week to post my weight as I saw it creeping up. 

How could I possibly let myself get so far off track? I don’t really have a good answer to that. I was tired, feeling stressed, and the long surgery wait list had made me feel a little depressed. 

I am happy to say that I am slowly starting to get back on track. I have slowly started implanting better eating habits AGAIN! I have also started a weekly ladies kickboxing class with Foxy Kickboxing and I love it. I am feeling more positive than I have in a very long time. 

I will be signing my surgery consent in just over 4 weeks and I am hoping to get a surgery date that day. In the meantime I hope to get off at least some of the weight o have put on over the last couple months. 

I will be posting my progress next week even if it’s bad. It feels good to write this blog and I am surprised by how much it helps and how much I have missed it.